The Affordable Boat Act
The U.S. government has just passed a new law entitled “The
Affordable Boat Act” declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new
boat by April, 2014. These ‘affordable’ boats will cost an average of
$54,000-$155,000 each. This does not include taxes, trailers, towing
fees, licensing and registration fees, fuel, docking and storage fees,
maintenance, or repair costs.
This law has been passed because,
until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people
have been able to purchase boats. This new law ensures that every
American can now have an ‘affordable’ boat of their own, because
everyone is ‘entitled’ to a new boat. If you purchase your boat before
the end of the year, you will receive four ‘free’ life jackets (does not
include monthly usage fees).
In order to make sure everyone purchases an ‘affordable boat,’ the
cost of owning a boat will increase on average of 250-400% per year.
This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people
don’t want or can’t afford to maintain. But, to be fair, people who
can’t afford to maintain their boat will be regularly fined and children
(under the age of 26) can use their parents boat(s) to party on until
they turn 27, after which date they must purchase their own boat.
If you already have a boat, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you
can’t). If you don’t want or don’t need a boat, you are required to buy
one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be
regularly fined $800 until you purchase one, or face imprisonment. If
you cannot (or don’t want to) purchase an ‘affordable boat’ from a
private business, you can buy a starter boat from the U. S. government
‘affordable boat exchange.’ Such a boat will have the basic necessities
(hull, oars or paddles) and will only cost ‘slightly more’ than a
similar boat purchased from a private business. Plus, since your tax
dollars will subsidize the purchase of a boat from the U. S.
government’s ‘affordable boat exchange,’ it will appear that you are
getting a good deal.
Failure to use the boat will also result in fines. People living in
the desert, ghettos, inner cities, or areas with no access to lakes are
not exempt. Neither age, motion sickness, experience, knowledge, nor
lack of desire are acceptable excuses for not using your boat.
A government review board (that doesn’t know the difference between
the port side, starboard side, or stern of a boat) will decide
everything, including when, where, how often, and for what purposes you
can use your boat, along with how many people can ride your boat. The
board will also determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able
to use their boat, and will also decide if your boat has out lived its
usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories (like a $500
compass) or a newer and more expensive boat.
Those that can afford yachts will be required to do so … it’s only
fair. The government will also decide the name for each boat. Failure to
comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a
boat, they and their families can obtain boats free at the expense of
tax payers. Unions, bankers, and mega companies with large political
affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
A blog by Z_AC_Tech. Proud to be an exceptional American TEAhadist Conservative Infidel. Embrace the Conservative core values of low taxes, smaller government, freedom to practice religion or not if you desire, right to bear arms, a strong military and the right to an alternative education verses the failed public education. The Liberal answer let’s throw more money and regulations at the problem. Big government, big labor and big business is oppressing the common man. Reagan Akbar!
Sunday, November 10, 2013
The Affordable Boat Act
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